Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize