You can't motorboat a personality
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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