I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
