apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
