at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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