Yo dont text me then not text me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
