I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
