You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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