Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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