new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
