I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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