You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
