feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
