Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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