I want to make a zoo with you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
