Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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