I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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