I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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