I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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