Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
