go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
