Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
