She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
