I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
