How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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