He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
