I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
