the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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