No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
