I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
