she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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