I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
