D3 body, D1 cock
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
