dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
