I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize