You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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