I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
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I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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