so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He did a backflip because drugs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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