one word: firstdatebathroomanal
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
