dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
