u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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