the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
