note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
