Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
