His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
