There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
