if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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