It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
