You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
