So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize