I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
