so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
