you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
