I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
