so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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