grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
