Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
