just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
