marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
