Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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