That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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