her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
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I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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