So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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