does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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