if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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