so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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