At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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