I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Randomize
