youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
